Welcome to the grove blog, an archive of all the work we have done here.
For booking and further info, visit thegrovemontenegro.com.

Wednesday, 21 March 2018


    Fresh from Social Media Camp, we Grovers got taught that businesses today survive through ’Content’, and literally no other reason. This Content has to be as entertaining as it does rich and varied. There must be a cat and a cleavage. A landscape that you can imagine wandering around, and some water that you can imagine jumping in. Things that make you go WOW and OOO and AWW and NYOM (that last one is a sound we are unfamiliar with, but we will try and find a way to encourage you to make it). Things that make you jealous and sad. Things that make you think that your life is empty and unfulfilling - but with a sprinkling of humour! 

     With that in mind, for our last assignment at Social Media Camp, we made TEN REASONS TO VISIT THE GROVE MONTENEGRO IN 2018 AND PERHAPS EVEN YEARS AFTER THAT -


1.The Old Stuff.

        Right in our garden there are 2 bridges that date to the time of the Cavepeople. And these bridges are but infants compared to the castle and old town that loom above us! Some historians suggest that this castle was built by the Dinosaurs. Jk, jk. But seriously, they are a few centuries old. The olive trees surrounding us are hundreds of years old, with some in the thousands. We found some cannonballs in the river last summer. There is literally history and old stuff everywhere. 


2. The Mountains.

         This country has the word Monte in it for a very good reason. Everywhere you go in this beautiful country, you are either going uphill or downhill. Here is the view when you wake up in the morning here. BOOM, A MOUNTAIN.  BOOM, some oranges.

3. The Walking.

     This terrain lends itself to a favourite past time of the Humanoid. WALKING. That is an L you dirty buggers.

     Now then, how this fundamental human function became a hobby is anyones guess. But here we are. Thankfully The Grove lies on hiking trails up our 2 closest peaks. Both in the 1600m range (higher than Ben Nevis) the views atop are incredible, and the walk itself, stunning. There are also a number of shorter walks, to sneaky swimming holes for e.g. Or you can walk around the garden/the bedroom. Here at The Grove, YOU control your legs!

4. The Food and Drink.

       Eating and Drinking are excellent. Imagine! You can, pretty much without stopping, put stuff in your mouth. What’s more, IT FEELS GOOD! We cook here every evening if you cant face cooking yourself - catering for gluten h8rs, and Wegans. We are also within minutes away from the restaurants of Stari Bar, and burek places, and bars and cafes. PLUS coming in 2018 - the new GROVE PIZZA OVEN/BBQ.

Why do you drink drink, but dont food food? I know you can feed on food, but thats not as good. Imagine! Hey dude, in the mood to food good food, nude? - Lewd.

5. The Cats.

      We employed 2 young cats on minimum wage to hang out here to boost our Content. They are Sneg and Lil’Bits. They love each other and are genuinely hilarious. They are on strike at the moment, due to not enough biscuits, and one is a bit pissed off that we removed her ovaries. But we are in touch with the union, and they will be FELINE fine before the summer doth cometh. 


6. The Beaches. 

       Now then. This is an important part of Summer. We are 4km from the sea, and visit almost every day. Our top 4 beaches (wow - a list within a list - take that Social Media Professors). 

One beach is stoney and busy with bars a plenty and awesome sunsets.
One beach is secretive and empty and can only be accessed through a 2km tunnel or a hike over a big hill.
One beach is a tiny cove that has fun stuff to climb on/jump off.
One beach is breathtakingly beautiful with nice views towards a flipping church built on an island.

7. The Day Trips.

      We have a minibus here. Called Lenny. We take people to various places throughout the summer. The offerings include trips to Ada Bojana/Velika Plaza, Lake Skadar (boat trip), Vinyards, ULT|IMATE FRISBEE BY THE BEACH. We also check out the goings on in Montenegro, and if there is an event worth visiting, we will visit - like Southern Soul Festival. 

8. The People.

    Gandhi said that niceness breeds niceness. Maybe it was Geri Halliwell. Or Drake. Basically we are nice, and consequently the people that come here are nice, and they tell nice people to come here and there we go. And with ample space to play, there is something for everyone, whether you like socialising, privacy, or a nice mix of both. 

9. The Nature. 

      A crystal clear stream passes our house, with the aforementioned rugged mountains, and ancient olive groves. Snakes, turtles, wild rabid guinea pigs; flora and fauna a plenty. It feels purifying being here. Fresh air and greenery. Unless the neighbours are burning tyres.

10. The Building. 

     I suppose this is the most important thing. Or it is to us. We built this place to be as comfortable as humanly possible. There is so much space. Each person gets a double bed with orthopaedic mattress. The showers are dreamy. The kitchen, super well equipped. Our common room is huge. Moving outside there is a beautiful grassy garden (big enough for a badminton tournament), fire pit, bbq (2018), Pizza oven (2018), dippy pool, shaded veranda, hammocks, treehouse etc etc 

So there we go - TEN REASONS TO VISIT THE GROVE MONTENEGRO IN 2018 AND PERHAPS EVEN YEARS AFTER THAT. Can’t wait to see you here - remember there are events throughout the summer. Most notably our OPENING PARTY on June 2nd. We open on May 19th (it was May 22nd but some people cancelled their group booking) - send us a booking message through www.thegrovemontenegro,com, or book through H*stelw*rld.

         THE GROVE LOT xxx

Wednesday, 3 May 2017


  We had our ‘opening’ party last weekend. It was the most incredible combination of great people, good music and a full beer fridge. Thank you, so much, to everyone that was there and contributed their selves. We danced, laughed, ‘fixed’ a plumbing disaster, sang, ate, and only slightly annoyed the neighbours. A result. It was a special time for us here, because the building worked. Despite the lack of beds, toilets and showers, it hosted everyone with ease. This space, this unique, adaptable, magical space, has so much potential, and we cannot wait to see what you all bring here. 

   We have a few more days left of work - the showers need finishing. But we expect to be able to welcome guests by the weekend, depending on drying time of varnishes/paint. 

      The website will be live in the next couple of days, keep your ears peeled and your nose to the ground. 

        Many, many thanks for your support, you are the fuel that keeps us plasterboarding.

    Loadsa soppy hugs.


Friday, 6 January 2017


         We have been awake since 3am. A big phat phreezing wind came, after 40 days of constant sunshine. Bits are falling off the roof, shutters are slamming and doors blowing open. The electricity shut off 10 hours ago, and as that powers our water pump, we cant do our ones and twos and to get drinking water we have to venture out and visit a spring. We have one fire place in the Grove, and it is not powerful enough to keep us warm in the negative celsiuses. Little breezes penetrate you, no matter where you are inside - one of the less good aspects of living in an old stone building. We will plug all the gaps eventually. 


       It is 2017. The year that we will open. 150 years after this building was first built (my cuz recently pointed that out).


          Life is generally lovely - we eat well in our bonkers kitchen, sleep well in our bonkers bedrooms, watch TV in our bonkers living room, and shit well in our bonkers dunny. The dunny wins the prize for being the weirdest place at the Grove. It’s nice to sit in there and laugh at how strange life is. 

      That's the dunny there, right behind the wicket keeper. It takes about an hour to walk there and back. Or maybe it just feels like that at 4am.

           We work hard, but reward ourselves with beer and nice trips. For example we went to Zabljak for chrimbob. It was white and wonderful. Nice people surround us, injecting the Grove with the positive energy that will one day fuel it. Or something.  


As usual, keep an eye on Instagram for the best idea of whats going on. 

    Big Love.

  The Grove Lot x


Saturday, 17 September 2016

September Upd8, M8.

Merry Mid September one and all. 

    Grovey McGrover here, reporting from The Grove HQ, Stari Bar, Montenegro. 

            I hear you like concrete frames, cleverly hidden within a massive stone shell? Well you have come to the right place.

          I am sitting inside the Grove on a ‘seat’ botched with 3 bits of timber, back leaning against a concrete column, on the 1st floor. As if to give us something audible to describe, a car alarm is going off up the road. Our stone workers are shouting in Albanian, gesticulating at each other, presumably casting blame for the alarm. Dust has just fallen as a wheel barrow trundled along the temporary wooden walkway, 8 metres above ground level. A small balding man, with oversized gloves, wide shorts and a bucket hat captains the wheel barrow. He is often on the receiving end of loud criticism. So we make a point of thanking him the most. The stone workers are working on the gable ends. Something they were livid about, as it is time consuming, and requires tons and tons of rock to be hauled up to the 2nd floor. The concrete shell is almost complete - the final beams were poured, on which the timber roof will sit. There is exposed stone externally and internally. Sadly most of the internal stone will be covered, with waterproofing on the underground walls, and insulation on the others. But the external view is quite something. Breathtaking. That view keeps us enthused. Tells us that it is all worthwhile. 
    Yesterday we were at a quarry/stone mill. We need some more stone window frames. 

                    We are pouring our polished concrete floor in a few days. The roof is going up in 2 days. 

       It is hot, but not hot, hot. 

   We eat burek for breakfast a lot. We get excited a lot. We get stressed about cashflow a lot. 

    We drove to the Accursed Mountains in Albania last week. It is just over 100km, but took an afternoon to get there. We had to abandon Lenny, and walk 15km into the village. The roads are wiggly. We just learnt yesterday that we are ON the old donkey path to Albania. One guy used to shepherd on that path, so he will show us when the temperature drops. Apparently it is still walkable. There is so much for us to explore, that we simply cannot do it all ourselves before we open. So you guys will be joining us on our journey of discovery. Any hiker that enjoys marking walks/creating hiking maps, will be welcome as our guests for as long as they wish.

        This month flying by. We are itching to get stuck in, and can only properly do that when the structural works have been completed. We have a lot of braun/brain joining us this month, which we are very thankful about. 

             This building is massive. Every thing that needs doing, needs doing on such a grand scale. Cumbersome stones that require a digger to manoeuvre. Big chunks of metal that have to be craned anywhere. If we want to concrete floors, it takes trucks and trucks of the stuff.
     The septic tank has been built mostly. Meaning we can put a toilet in soon. Which basically means we can move in in about a week. We will keep you posted about that. 

   Thank you for your continued support. As ever, Instagram is the best place to go to stay in the loop.

             We are going to enjoy our last few sunny days - swimming and frisbeeing. Then comes WINTER. When it rains a lot, but is rarely cold. Let's hope the roof goes on in time.....

                        Big love from Stari Bar.

The Grovers.



Thursday, 4 August 2016

Feelin' hot, hot, hot.

It's dead hot here in Montenegro, but the show must go on! Currently we have concrete being poured, reinforcement steel being laid, stone being cleaned, and flesh being ravaged by mosquitos during late-evening attempts to keep our veggie garden going. September will see the roof go on, and windows in, whereupon we'll start work on the interior. Here are some images of recent progress to keep you entertained:

Stone being cleaned in preparation for new pointing

Skirting around the significant fig

Supports underneath the 1st floor slab

View of the opening in first floor slab, which will be our common room.

Roadside stone exposure

Looking through over the gap in first slab