Welcome to the grove blog, an archive of all the work we have done here.
For booking and further info, visit thegrovemontenegro.com.

Wednesday, 21 March 2018


    Fresh from Social Media Camp, we Grovers got taught that businesses today survive through ’Content’, and literally no other reason. This Content has to be as entertaining as it does rich and varied. There must be a cat and a cleavage. A landscape that you can imagine wandering around, and some water that you can imagine jumping in. Things that make you go WOW and OOO and AWW and NYOM (that last one is a sound we are unfamiliar with, but we will try and find a way to encourage you to make it). Things that make you jealous and sad. Things that make you think that your life is empty and unfulfilling - but with a sprinkling of humour! 

     With that in mind, for our last assignment at Social Media Camp, we made TEN REASONS TO VISIT THE GROVE MONTENEGRO IN 2018 AND PERHAPS EVEN YEARS AFTER THAT -


1.The Old Stuff.

        Right in our garden there are 2 bridges that date to the time of the Cavepeople. And these bridges are but infants compared to the castle and old town that loom above us! Some historians suggest that this castle was built by the Dinosaurs. Jk, jk. But seriously, they are a few centuries old. The olive trees surrounding us are hundreds of years old, with some in the thousands. We found some cannonballs in the river last summer. There is literally history and old stuff everywhere. 


2. The Mountains.

         This country has the word Monte in it for a very good reason. Everywhere you go in this beautiful country, you are either going uphill or downhill. Here is the view when you wake up in the morning here. BOOM, A MOUNTAIN.  BOOM, some oranges.

3. The Walking.

     This terrain lends itself to a favourite past time of the Humanoid. WALKING. That is an L you dirty buggers.

     Now then, how this fundamental human function became a hobby is anyones guess. But here we are. Thankfully The Grove lies on hiking trails up our 2 closest peaks. Both in the 1600m range (higher than Ben Nevis) the views atop are incredible, and the walk itself, stunning. There are also a number of shorter walks, to sneaky swimming holes for e.g. Or you can walk around the garden/the bedroom. Here at The Grove, YOU control your legs!

4. The Food and Drink.

       Eating and Drinking are excellent. Imagine! You can, pretty much without stopping, put stuff in your mouth. What’s more, IT FEELS GOOD! We cook here every evening if you cant face cooking yourself - catering for gluten h8rs, and Wegans. We are also within minutes away from the restaurants of Stari Bar, and burek places, and bars and cafes. PLUS coming in 2018 - the new GROVE PIZZA OVEN/BBQ.

Why do you drink drink, but dont food food? I know you can feed on food, but thats not as good. Imagine! Hey dude, in the mood to food good food, nude? - Lewd.

5. The Cats.

      We employed 2 young cats on minimum wage to hang out here to boost our Content. They are Sneg and Lil’Bits. They love each other and are genuinely hilarious. They are on strike at the moment, due to not enough biscuits, and one is a bit pissed off that we removed her ovaries. But we are in touch with the union, and they will be FELINE fine before the summer doth cometh. 


6. The Beaches. 

       Now then. This is an important part of Summer. We are 4km from the sea, and visit almost every day. Our top 4 beaches (wow - a list within a list - take that Social Media Professors). 

One beach is stoney and busy with bars a plenty and awesome sunsets.
One beach is secretive and empty and can only be accessed through a 2km tunnel or a hike over a big hill.
One beach is a tiny cove that has fun stuff to climb on/jump off.
One beach is breathtakingly beautiful with nice views towards a flipping church built on an island.

7. The Day Trips.

      We have a minibus here. Called Lenny. We take people to various places throughout the summer. The offerings include trips to Ada Bojana/Velika Plaza, Lake Skadar (boat trip), Vinyards, ULT|IMATE FRISBEE BY THE BEACH. We also check out the goings on in Montenegro, and if there is an event worth visiting, we will visit - like Southern Soul Festival. 

8. The People.

    Gandhi said that niceness breeds niceness. Maybe it was Geri Halliwell. Or Drake. Basically we are nice, and consequently the people that come here are nice, and they tell nice people to come here and there we go. And with ample space to play, there is something for everyone, whether you like socialising, privacy, or a nice mix of both. 

9. The Nature. 

      A crystal clear stream passes our house, with the aforementioned rugged mountains, and ancient olive groves. Snakes, turtles, wild rabid guinea pigs; flora and fauna a plenty. It feels purifying being here. Fresh air and greenery. Unless the neighbours are burning tyres.

10. The Building. 

     I suppose this is the most important thing. Or it is to us. We built this place to be as comfortable as humanly possible. There is so much space. Each person gets a double bed with orthopaedic mattress. The showers are dreamy. The kitchen, super well equipped. Our common room is huge. Moving outside there is a beautiful grassy garden (big enough for a badminton tournament), fire pit, bbq (2018), Pizza oven (2018), dippy pool, shaded veranda, hammocks, treehouse etc etc 

So there we go - TEN REASONS TO VISIT THE GROVE MONTENEGRO IN 2018 AND PERHAPS EVEN YEARS AFTER THAT. Can’t wait to see you here - remember there are events throughout the summer. Most notably our OPENING PARTY on June 2nd. We open on May 19th (it was May 22nd but some people cancelled their group booking) - send us a booking message through www.thegrovemontenegro,com, or book through H*stelw*rld.

         THE GROVE LOT xxx